enough.

I am enough.

It’s difficult to wake up every single morning and believe those words. In the midst of a culture where excess reigns, having enough is almost nonexistent. Being enough is almost nonexistent. There’s always more to strive for, more to have, more to want. Money, food, relationships. More, more, more.

Life slows down during the summer. It provides a different and slower rhythm. Even while juggling three jobs, I have significantly less to distract me now than during the school year. I am no longer living in a residence hall with thrity-seven other women and I don’t have the hefty tasks of schoolwork consistently available to turn to. There isn’t a hallway filled with people and conversations I can pace up and down or spontaneous 10PM runs to Taco Bell to constantly fill my time at home. It’s slower here, quieter here. And although I love my time and crazy rhythm at school, I know I need this break to slow down.

And even though I know I need this, slowing down can be harder than keeping up with a crazy pace. Slowing down means that I have to face what hurts and where I fall short. To dwell on what has changed in the past year and in that dwelling space is room for bitterness and resentment to grow. There’s space for the notion of not being enough to creep in and slowly fill the gaps until I can barely move.

I know I am not alone in this. I know that I am not the only one who struggles with being enough, especially during transition periods. All too often we cope by focusing on the next. The next job, the next season, the next relationship, the next school. While this might help us cope for a short period of time, there is danger in putting our hope and source of healing in the instability of what we’re not promised.

God hasn’t promised us a new relationship or job or school or even tomorrow. God promised us Himself. All of Him who loves all of us. We are enough because He is and we are. We aren’t entitled to what He has given us, they are only tools to live as humans on this earth and to glorify our God. He’s given us enough to sustain from sunrise to sunset.

I believe there is a significant correlation between the moment we start becoming truly grateful and start believing we’re enough. To be thankful is to understand we have been given enough. Bitterness and resentment lose their power when we stop giving it to them. We have the ability to make that choice, to offer thanksgiving during the moments we feel inadequate, unproductive, and worthless. We have the ability to recognize all the good around us. The good that comes in the forms of community and books and conversations and creation and the amazing truth that we are alive and that the Lord has chosen us to breathe on this earth today.

It’s unpopular to be slow. It’s difficult not to be distracted in a culture that prides itself on the ability to go, go, go and do, do, do. But there is life in the slow moments. In bringing our repressed shame and fear of not being enough to the light, we can then be grateful for what we have today. The slow moments allow us to remember that the Lord has always given us what we needed in the past and although that may not be what we need today, we can trust that He will give us what we need today because He cannot fail those He created and loves.

I am choosing to be thankful and believe that I am enough today. I am enough because Jesus is. God is simply all things good and powerful and majestic and just in the most complex, mysterious way. And in these complexities that we cannot understand, we find worth and love and grace and the firm truth that we are enough. Transitions are hard, but this one marks the beginning of my recognizing that I am enough in every season and transition and space I find myself in. I am enough regardless of yesterday or tomorrow. God gives us what we need. He gives us enough to sustain in every moment. I am grateful.

 

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